Dear reader,

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 I really, really love my family. I feel that of all the blessings that God has given me, the most amazing one is my family. When I was living away from my family I’d miss them and count down the days until I’d get to see them. Granted, sometimes family can get on your nerves (dysfunctional family, anyone!?) and you may fight a lot and not speak to them for a while. Despite that, they are my family and I will always love them.

I’m glad to have an extended family that I can see whenever I want. When I get fed up with my immediate family, I can go and visit my cousins for a while. Like this past week. I do not have a lot of friends and so I count my cousins as my best friends. They have all been here for each other through our lowest and highest points. Sure, I get mad at them sometimes, and they get mad at me but we always forgive each other and carry on like nothing has happened. They make me feel good about myself and I sure hope I make them feel good about themselves as well. When I’m with my cousins, laughter is always the norm. In fact, I don’t think I have gone a day with my cousins without laughing. Not even during all those funerals last year; we always found something to joke and laugh about. We tease each other as well, mercilessly, but it is always in good humour. Like that time one of my cousins said to me, “your fingers are so long your husband is going to take a long time putting a ring on your finger.” and “your hairline starts on your face and not on your head.” (I have a widow’s peak). It’s all good though; my comebacks were top class and sometimes result in my cousins trying to beat me up while laughing.

We all had a tough year last year and when the festive season rolled around, we were apprehensive about where and how we would spend our Christmas because the people who we normally spent it with and who made if good were gone. When Christmas arrived, my siblings and I congregated with my cousins at their house and it was an excellent Christmas. We had a lot of fun and there were no adults around! Haha!

This past week I was feeling rather stressed and feeling constantly tired (setting up a business does take it toll on your health). My cousins asked me to come over and I agreed, knowing it will do me good and what good it did! It’s always an adventure being at my cousins’. Other than all the silly things we did, one of them graduated that weekend, the same day the pageant I participated in was televised! Myself and another cousin stayed behind so we could watch it and I was hiding behind her every time I came up haha. I thought I looked really terrible but my cousin got mad at me for thinking that and said I was actually okay. See what I mean when I say they make me feel good about myself? As soon as the broadcast was over we hurried over to the graduation and my cousin looked so beautiful! I did her make-up and also did my other cousin’s hair and make-up -about which she said I could open a beauty salon since I’m good with make-up, hair and nails- and this was a big deal since I don’t wear make-up and know close to nothing about it. Hello beauty bloggers, I’m coming for you, haha!

My favourite thing about family is that they are always there for you even when you mess up really badly. They have seen you at your worst and still love you. You can talk about the most disgusting things to them and they’ll still love you. To my family, immediate and extended, I appreciate you guys and love all of you. Thanks for loving every inch of me.

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The festive season is always a time for family for me and I’ll take any excuse to spend time with them because I know in the next year I’ll be very busy and they will too. We are all growing older and wiser. Besides, any excuse for laughter and embarrassing anecdotes, right?

I’m wishing you, lovely reader, a beautiful and merry Christmas whether you are going to spend it with family or not. If you are and however dysfunctional your family is, make sure to give them a hug and let them know you love them. Let’s also spare a thought for anyone out there without a family since this is the season they’ll really need a family. If you are able, open your heart and homes to them.

Let me know in the comments what your plans for the festive season entail and what your favourite thing about family is.

‘Til next time,

-Bella

Starting your own business

Hello reader,

Welcome back! You may have noticed that I redesigned the blog. Bought my first blog template and did a little customization here and there! I like trying something new.

This is not all I’ve been busy with lately though. I’ve been working very hard trying to set up my design company. Oh yeah! The secret it out! I’m excited to announce that the website will go live on the 20^th, launching with special prices for Christmas and New Year. So if you’re looking for graphic design work, you’d be able to save just in time for the New Year!

Yay! However, setting up and running your own business is pretty challenging. There were many late nights when I wanted to know how to do something or wishing that I knew a lot of coding so setting up a website will be easier. I had a lot of chances to quit and just apply for a job but I knew that I had to give it everything I’ve got because it was my dream and I wanted to see it come to life.

When you a dream to follow and you have about 50 reasons why you should put it on the backburner and do something else, focus on the one reason why you should just risk everything and go for it. Starting a business is incredibly risky. While working as an intern, I saved the majority of the money I earned in order to put all of it into my business as capital so going forward with this means I stand a chance of losing money I worked hard for and going months without income. But you know what? It’ll be worth it because I get to wake up every day doing what I love, excited to create something new and on my terms.

As starting a company can be extremely stressful, it is a good idea to ensure that you have a support structure. I have a small one in my family and friends and it’s great! However it was also challenging to convince my parents that I do not want to work for anyone and that I want to start my own business and be my own boss. That was met with, “What would you do? Are you going to sit at home doing nothing?” and “It’s hard to find a job in this economy. It is better to work for someone and build your portfolio before setting off by yourself.”  Despite all this, I was adamant that I should start my own business and I think over time they started to see this and they relented. Now they are part of my support group. I turn to my Dad about legal matters and advice on registering a company and my sister advices me on finance and things that involve numbers and percentages since those make my eyes glaze over.

I don’t even know why my family was surprised when I decided to do this. I mean, my Dad had started his own company and my older brother older also broke off from working for someone else and ran his own business successfully until he passed. And I’m pretty sure I would have valued his business advice. Full disclosure: My design company is not only the only business idea I have. My sister knows this too! I showed her my notebook, which is full of ideas I want to implement and it’d be such a waste of brain cells, ink and paper to not try and implement them, no? Yes.

To help me on my way to setting up a business, other than relying on my family for support, I read a lot! There are so many free business tools on the internet. I especially love the Reddit, often frequenting the Entrepreneur subbreddit. If Reddit was a person, I would marry him! It has everything and I learn a lot from it! I suggest anyone to use Reddit when they need help or advice on anything or just to have a few laughs and converse with people.

You know what is the absolute best thing about being a business owner who works from home? You get to work on your own terms, and you can work all day in your comfy pyjamas and when you get stressed or frustrated, you can take a break, switch off by watching TV or Sherlock (I NEED SEASON 4!) or nap and the bonus is…you can cuddle with your puppies! (Did I mention I have puppies? Well I have 3! Aslan, Teddy (named after Ed sheeran) and Rashie (sister’s suggestion; named after Rashida Jones) and they are just little cute bundles of fur!) I will conduct a puppy shoot and post the photos on my Tumblr.

Whoo! Whoo! I’m so excited about the website launch. December 20^th it’s *makes rocket launch noises* boom! I’ve shown a few family and a friend what the website looks like, and they love it! So set your reminders, I’ll only be taking on a limited amount of clients once the site launches so I’m able to fully commit to each design request. Ready? Set…

Do you have plans to start your own business? Have you started one? Let me know now in the comments! *Butterbean Cauliflower as Smaug's voice* Come now, don't be shy.

P.S Also, if you’re in South Africa and neighbouring countries, please set your reminders to watch Dtv on SABC 3 on Saturday, the 13^th. This Saturday! I’ll be on TV since they will finally show the beauty pageant and you can see my awkward interview for yourself! Also, you could join me while I live tweet it! :D

P.P.S How awesome are Licorice AllSorts!?

I've got internet!

Hello reader,

I’m back! It’s been a long absence and not an easy one. I moved back home about 13 days ago and the first week back I took charge of cleaning the house from top to bottom and I nearly threw my back out. Not to mention I was bitten by a spider. That was my entire fault though; I was in the storehouse in flip flops, rattling around looking for things. I would have been shocked if I didn't sustain a spider bite but thank goodness it wasn't a venomous one!

My lack of blogging isn’t the result of being busy. Sure, there’ve been a lot of changes in my life but the one thing preventing me from blogging was the lack of internet. As I’ve mentioned before, I use a 4 year old Blackberry which is like 86 years old in phone years and sadly it’s nearing its end and isn’t working as smoothly as it ever was. I have to put it in the freezer in order to use it. Perhaps if I move to the Arctic it’ll run like new. Anyway, I couldn’t really blog from my phone and I was going through various stages of blogging withdrawal. A week ago I finally got wifi internet which is truly an amazing thing because the last time we had internet in our household was before the days of Tumblr and Twitter. We had the old phone line internet and the bill was enormous so my mum decided that we didn’t really need internet. That would have been unheard of today.

During the past week I was at my aunt’s place, helping her out with her laptop. I’m a computer genius it seems, even if I struggled to connect her printer but even geniuses make mistakes. *shrug* Today I’m back home and I’m keen to go back into the grind of blogging, working on my art and writing. I’m currently remodeling and redecorating my room so I don’t yet have a desk. I’m typing this sitting on the floor of my room with the computer perched on a chair (my brother’s improvisation- as I’ve found when I returned from my aunt’s). It’s not so bad and I’m excited to see how my room turns out. I have a twin bed that I’ve transformed into a sofa and a nice, nifty book shelf. Both these things are my favourite since I like to read. I can lie down or sit up *asdfghjkl!  I’m still to paint my room. I wanted black, mum said I was crazy (understandable). I decided to compromise on grey (I’ve got too many grey things anyway), mum said white (no one should touch my walls then) so white it is. Currently the whole room- including the ceiling- is painted lavender, courtesy of my darling older brother, bless his heart. I am still to remove posters and pictures from teenage years off my bedroom door. Let’s just say Taylor Lautner rules my door. But at least I have a picture of Beyoncé, right?

Erhmahgherd guys I have internet!! Granted, I’ll probably blow the majority of my data browsing Tumblr (I dare not go on YouTube) but dang it! I’ve got internet!  It’s expensive but I’ve got internet! HOW RAD? This means that I’ll be able to do a lot of the things that I want to and more! Access to the internet should be a basic human right if you ask me.

If you’re cool too and have a Tumblr, you can follow me here:

Personal Tumblr: www.thebella-m.tumblr.com

Art Tumblr:  www.allebasiart.tumblr.com

*You know how when some people are excited about something they type ‘asdfghjkl’? I’ve always thought that they just punched random letters on their keyboard until I recently. They are just all of the letters from the second row on the keyboard. I felt like such a doof! *facepalm* You learn something new every day. Asdfghjkl!

What are looking forward to these festive holidays? Let me know! I’d love to read your comments and get into the festive spirit by eating copious amounts of custard!

‘Til next time,

-Bella

It's time for a new chapter

Hello reader,

Last week was tumultuous for me. It started with me getting excited for Monday, as always (This is completely normal for me). Then throughout the day I started feeling like I was suffocating and this continued on into the next day…and the next. For the first time since I started working, I didn’t want to get up in the morning and I was tired during the day, opting to sleep early at night. I'd wake up, after snoozing my alarm for as long as I could, go to work, come back and watch copious amounts of Breaking Bad (which is more a comedy than a drama because there was so much laughter and chuckles from my side) before bed. I forced myself to pause and acknowledge the problem at hand and well, would you have it. It wasn’t difficult to ascertain what was going on.

Change. It’s exciting and often scary and right now I’m experiencing a lot of it. This week marks my last week working here since my internship is ending which means I’ll officially be unemployed and I’m going to have to move back home. Because of this, I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure to find a new job. Jobs are scarce, what are you going to do? Just sit at home? The truth is, I know exactly what I want to do but it’s hard to find support when no one really understands what you want to do and why. Despite all this, I feel so thankful of the opportunity I received to work here. I have worked alongside some the country’s most revered journalists and I have learnt so much…I have also learnt that I do not want to do this for the rest of my life.

I am an artist. I express myself using creative visual means. It’s just who I am, it’s who I’ve been since birth, to be quite honest. I want to create the art that I want to do, I want to tell stories. There’ve been times when I wouldn’t draw, or do an illustration for a long period of time. I haven’t really used my camera for more than 6 months and that is really terrible. You stop doing something you really love for quite some time and you feel like you're merely existing.

And so because of all this, I decided to pursue my dreams, do I what I want to and how I want to. Perhaps I’m asking for too much, especially in this economy but all I know is that I’d rather wake up in the morning to do what I love and give it a hundred percent than be unhappy doing something I really do not want to do out of necessity. So for now an office job is out of the picture. I’m choosing instead to follow my dreams and to work as hard as I am able to, to make every one of them a reality.

This is really scary for me because it means I have no security whatsoever but I am determined to go through with it. After all, I didn’t scrawl all these ideas in my notebook to look back at them 5 years, 10 years from now and say to myself, “I wish I had the guts to at least try and implement these ideas.”

This past weekend I assessed my options and I saw that it’s not necessary for me to go straight into a stable job because I’m young. I do not have a family to provide for and this is the liberty I need for me to go ahead and do my own thing, regardless of how scary it gets.

I am really excited to create again and I really don’t mind moving back home, this just means I’ll have people to test my culinary skills on because goodness gracious, I’m itching to cook and bake again and to just have the whole entire kitchen to myself. I’m excited to pick up my pencils and paint brushes and get to work. I’m excited to pick up my camera and take some excellent shots. I’m excited to just throw myself headfirst into creating and to feel alive. I’m excited to be my own boss and to see my business ventures take off. I also am excited to write even more, and to try new things such as filmmaking. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!

I am now going to welcome each and any kind of change that reveals itself in my life because I know it’s on to bigger and better things. After all, your life is a book and there are different chapters; chapters end and a new one begins.

Let me know if you’ve ever been scared of change and how you dealt with it!

‘Til next time,

-Bella

Pageant diary- Sunday 12th October

Hello reader,

On Sunday I was woken up at exactly 7.16am (way before my 8am alarm) by Beauty, who I was surprised to see since we didn’t come back with her but I later learned she came back with her f

amily. I laid awake for a few minutes in bed, on my phone and trying to make sense of the previous night.

I got up, showered and had breakfast then packed the rest of my things. I think I accidentally packed a spontaneous sock because one left its partner to join the circus or maybe it was kidnapped by a sock goblin. I’m now left with one lone black sock. I spent the morning chatting a bit with Beauty whose family had left earlier (they lived in different places) while I told Narda that I needed to leave before 10am. Beauty and Elzane were to be dropped at the airport later in the afternoon but I decided to leave earlier than them so I could do my laundry. Gert kindly drove me to the train station and there I took the train back to Joburg where my sister picked me up and dropped me off at my place.

I didn’t say much to my sister during the drive back and she said she could clearly see that I was disappointed. I may have been disappointed but that wasn’t why I was quite haha. I was exhausted and a lot of thoughts were running through my mind.

When I was finally alone I again tried to make sense of my feelings about the whole thing. The aftermath. I’m going to be strictly honest and say that I wasn’t completely happy with the way things were conducted. The first pageant I entered was ten times better than this one because ALL the finalists felt like winners and everything was so amazingly organised and planned. We all went home with a lot of prizes from sponsors and Manda Gomes, Mrs Africa even gave all of us crowns just for being finalists. Everyone was happy. It did break my heart seeing the disappointed faces of the other finalists. I know that this was a competition and we couldn’t have all won and many of us were going to be left disappointed. I do know that the pageant didn’t have a lot of sponsors this year (seriously business owners, this pageant needs more sponsors!)  which explains the lack of prizes for everyone (Narda herself gave everyone little gifts and I’m grateful to her for that) but I believe it could have been better conducted in terms of preparation.

Also, there was the question of the venue, its location and the judges. All I can say is that I felt like there was a lot of racial bias, even if it was unintentional as there wasn’t enough diversity on the judging panel and I wasn’t the only one who noticed this. Perhaps (and hopefully) next year’s pageant will be much better.

Overall, I don’t think it needs to be said but pageants are hard. Extremely hard…and they are ruthless on your self-esteem. You need to have confidence in yourself to enter a pageant because sometimes you get knocked down. I left the pageant feeling terribly inadequate. “Am I ugly? Was it my belly button? Or the unseen lipstick on my teeth? Or just my teeth in general? (I have a little bit of an open bite) Is it because I didn’t walk well?” and the worst one I asked myself, “was it because I’m black?” That honestly was really absurd and I mentally scolded myself for thinking that.

Yes, I wasn’t in the Top 5, I didn’t win. That was disappointing but if anything, it’s because the other girls were better. I, and the other girls who didn’t win, just weren’t what the judges were looking for. I have no doubt every one gave their best. There is nothing wrong with me and I’m glad I wore that bikini and smiled my best smile because I own my insecurities now. I’m not even quite sure they are insecurities anymore; they are more things that set me apart from ‘normal’ mold.

With all that being said, I’m extremely happy for Elzane, she’ll do great things with that crown and I’m happy for Christi and Elrie, both very awesome people and I hope that they too will get a chance to make a difference. I’m also so thankful to whoever voted for me to win Miss Personality. I’ve only known those girls for a week and I felt like we had created a sistahood bond and to be chosen as the best personality out of all of them is a bit unbelievable even today because I meant it when I said they are all awesome people, I really love them. The very first time I met them, from meeting Marisa and Beauty at the airport to meeting Chanika, Christi, Chanel and Coleen at the hostel I had thought to myself, “no way, these girls are all really beautiful. Wow, how is this fair!?” That’s part of what went through my head when I was so quiet haha; internal monologues with myself. It was great meeting everyone and seeing people like Lefa, Lauren and Leviena (wow, even more alliterating names) who I last saw 3 years ago and I left knowing that there are still people who are beautiful inside and out and with an increased sign language vocabulary. I can now have a whole conversation using basic sign language and I’ll forever be grateful to the girls for teaching me. Can’t wait to pay it forward and teach my family and friends!

The question remains; will I enter again next year? I have no idea. Some of the girls asked me to return and I’m not sure whether I will. I enjoyed the whole complete experience of being around them for a week and I’d sure love to see them again. However, the primary reason I entered Miss Deaf SA was so that I could have a platform to really make a change. I’ve a lot of things I want to say and I’ve a lot of things I want to do. That was really my first and only motivation of entering in the first place. I’ve constantly struggled with having people take me seriously or listen to my ideas my whole entire life. I had a youth initiative charity that I had last year which didn’t end up working out because of this very thing. I’ll keep on trying though; it’s a great passion of mine to be able to do something for others. I’ll just do whatever I can by myself. Little things go a long way after and I’ve got SO many ideas that I will tell you guys about. I might even try and make a change through this blog. Pageants are hard, as I said. Perhaps, even harder for me. I mean, I live in combat boots; I don’t really wear make-up and my idea of ‘pretty, beautiful things’ is nature and art –which I can just sit and look at for hours. I now see that I really do not have what it takes to be a beauty queen. Life is amazing in its unpredictability and the ability to surprise you. Everyone can make a change; you don’t have to be ‘important’ to be heard. God knows what He’s doing; don’t judge a twist or turn before you see what lies ahead.

This is the end of the pageant diaries. From Monday it’s back to regular programming. Thank you for being on this ride with me and for reading my blog. Have you ever entered a pageant before? What was it like? Let me know in the comments!

‘Til next time

-Bella

Pageant diary- Saturday 11th October

Hello reader,

Saturday. The big day. The day of reckoning. Every one of us was up bright and early. We packed our bags with all the things we’d need for the day/night and a lot of girls packed their bags to leave…forever. *muffled sob* I knew this day would come but I also wouldn’t have minded spending yet another week with the girls because every single one of them are super amazing. Just beautiful souls.

We had breakfast then left for the venue, the talent show was up first. When we arrived at the venue it was still in its early stages of preparation and the MC, Adriaan, was even helping to set up the stage. We put on our talent clothes and they called us individually to perform, with Marisa and one kindly man whose name I didn’t quite catch judging us. There were going to choose the Top 5 talents who would perform at the show later that night, then the rest of the judges would choose one winner. I did my hip-hop dancing to Beyonce’s Upgrade You (I worked so hard for a whole month on it, practicing day and night and I’m rather proud of myself for that) and the others performed their various talents! What's funny is that I had initially decided to perform a very rad poem I had written months back for the talent and my sister suggested dancing instead so that I could accommodate both the deaf and hearing audience.

Megan, Alexis and I striking a pose in our talent outfits. My boobs aren't that big and that's a loose crop top soo...

After dancing we had a bit of lunch and were shown around to our dressing room which was so very tiny we all wondered how we were going to move around. Seriously, twelve of us in a room the size of a guest toilet! We waited for the modeling teacher who was to teach us our ramp walks (finally) and the make-up artists and the hairstylists who were supposed to pitch at about 4pm. While waiting, we met the DTV (local deaf TV programme) crew and the presenter Candice, who were going to interview us later. We also met the last year’s previous winner Lefa, who I competed with back in 2011 and who wouldn’t stop pinching my cheeks, then they left. It was a long wait (some people were even napping on the couch!) but the modeling teacher, Bianca arrived at last and showed us how to do the various walks for the swimsuit, cocktail dress and evening dress sections respectfully. The walks were so complicated and we didn’t have a lot of time (after all we only had a few hours to showtime) and I worried we wouldn’t nail them before time. As you can probably tell, I did a lot of worrying. We had a lot of fun backstage though, the DJ was playing random music and Lorde’s Royals came on and naturally Megan and I jammed to it.

*deep breathes* They are going to kill me but... from left: Coleen, Chanel, Christi and Chanika. *hires bodyguard*

As we took to the ramp, some of the girls were called to have their hair done at a hair salon within walking distance of the venue. We walked, walked, and did more walking in our heels, trying really hard to nail the routines as people were busy around us shifting tables for the night. The make-up artists arrived and started doing make-up some of the girls who had come back from having their hair done and then after that, the girls had their interview with DTV. Soon the rest of us ran over to the salon to have our hair done and yet again, I worried whether the hairstylists would know what to do with my hair as it was in twists and that isn’t something they specialised in. We waited for a hairstylist to be free. Alexis, who was the first to be called to have her hair done was still busy curling it which meant she missed all the walk routine practice and had to hurry the moment she was done. Time was ticking and Elzane and I still had to do our make-up! Not to worry though, soon every one’s hair was done but since mine is long and blah blah blah what I mentioned above, I was the last to leave but I was given a good luck hug from the very fabulous hairstylist. Seriously, that woman embodied fabulousness. She could have as well been a model herself. I hurried back to the venue to have my make-up applied then very soon after, DTV interviewed me. Whew, I’m still beating myself up over that interview as I jumbled up my answer. The first question was ‘what makes you unique’ and I spewed a lot of nonsense that I’m still shocked came out of my mouth. Bella!  *chastised self* The next two questions (‘which past winner do you like best?’ and ‘what advice would you give to deaf children?’) were okay but my answer to the first question will haunt me as long as I live. It’ll be one of those moments you randomly remember years later then cringe. When the interview is aired I’ll be covering my eyes.

Hair done, make-up done. It was almost showtime (the show was to start at 7pm) and we hurried to get dressed in our swimsuits (the first segment of the night). I got dressed in a pink bikini and I really applaud myself for deciding to wear a bikini instead of a one-piece swimsuit since I have a large belly button due to an external hernia and it had been an object of insecurity as long as I can remember.  When I was younger, it was much, much bigger but as I grew up it got a little bit smaller but it was still considerably larger than ‘outie’ belly buttons. The girls had various reactions to it and I didn’t really care, some of the reactions were amusing to be honest. The swimsuit section wasn’t very looked forward to by most of the girls because we weren’t all skinny and yes there’d be cellulite, stretch marks and not all of us had taut, flat tummies and we were going to parade on stage in swimsuits!  How gallant!

Xolisile, Beyoncé me and Megan

  

Elrie, Me, Christi and Coleen. Cocktail dress selfies!

Lefa (Miss Deaf SA 2013) and I

Bad lighting + crappy phone camera = selfie

We waited in bated breath as we waited for the show to begin and soon it was showtime! We each walked individually. I wasn’t really nervous as I’ve done it before but what got my hands shaking was the pressure to be perfect. I was 11^th and when I walked the ramp, the venue was packed. Smile, shoulders back, walk, eye contact with the judges. Then it was back to quickly change into our cocktail dresses. I was planning to wear my red and black cocktail dress but I had forgotten the satin belt that went with it back at the hostel (cue a lot of mental slaps) and the dress didn’t really go well without its belt. Luckily I had packed a turquoise bodycon dress (the same one I wore on Monday to dinner) and I quickly donned that one. While we were changing there were people performing and singing but we didn’t see any of them from backstage. We also had to wait for a little while to come back out but out we went. Individual walks. Smile, shoulders back, walk, eye contact with the judges. Back in then back out to stand on stage as a group as we were handed roses and then we did a group walk, then back into the dressing room. While in the dressing room, I looked in the mirror and my eyes widened in horror! I had red lipstick on my teeth and I was out there smiling widely at the judges and the audience. I was mortified!

We took off our cocktail dresses and put on our talent clothes as we waited for the top 5 to be announced:  Elrie (flute), Chanika (modern dance), Elzane (poetry dance), Megan (poetry) and Xolisile (Venda dance). Sadly I wasn’t chosen (it was Beyoncé for goodness sake! I thought that was fool proof! Haha!) The top 5 performed as the rest of us changed into our evening dresses. After the talent section was over we waited quite a bit to be called out again. It was a looong wait which is why I was able to take photos in our dresses backstage. And we were starving! It was nearing 10pm and we hadn’t eaten a thing!

We waited and waited as we tried to make out what Adriaan was saying and I began to get nervous. This was it. Soon we were called out again and we had to walk individually, this time really slowly and ethereally. I had underestimated the ability to walk in my dress; it was quite long and I kept stepping on it, so I had to pull it up as I walked as I didn’t want to accidentally rip it. That was a shame; I concentrated too much on not tripping that I didn’t focus more on eye contact with the audience and judges. Fun fact: when walking the ramp, you are not supposed to look down, you’re supposed to keep your head up and look straight ahead. Back backstage, nerves were wrought. Most of us had forgetter the correct walking routines that we just winged it, which was okay as Bianca suggested that in case we forgot and people were not smiling. “I almost fell!”, “I forgot my walk!”, “that wasn’t good.” Not to add in how tired we were of smiling. Smiling so widely is really hard especially if you’re nervous. The corners of your mouth start twitching really horribly (you look like you’re being electrocuted), your facial muscles hurt and your mouth becomes dry. If you’ve never been in a pageant before, now you know what smiling is like. It’s not great.

After the last of us walked (Xolisile was after me), we passed around good lucks, as we remembered that actually, this is a competition and we were competing against each other. We waited, not talking or smiling as I said a prayer after a prayer. I knew who was the most likely to win, if I don’t haha (I was right, it seems). Adriaan then announced that he was about to announce the Top 5 and the nerves flared up. The tension in the room was palpable but luckily we didn’t have to wait longer. The top 5 were announced as they left the dressing room to stand on stage. At first I was confused, is this Top 5 for the talent section? Because they called everyone in the talent Top 5…at least it seemed so until I realized Christi was called instead of Chanika. I looked up at Alexis’ sister (who basically acted as a moderator for us, telling us when it’s time to go on stage or what’s happening out there). She told us that it was over and I remember the feeling of that moment; my heart fell and as I looked around the room at the remaining girls, their faces were painted a vivid colour of disappointment. This was it. It was over.

I still wanted to know who got crowned which title and since I couldn’t see, Chanel, who was at the door, relayed to us what was happening. Elzane got crowned Best Talent, Christi got crowned Miss Photogenic. Elrie got crowned 2^nd Princess and Christi 1^st Princess. Elzane then got crowned the current Miss Deaf SA 2014. (darn it, why didn’t I take bets because she’s who I thought would take the crown). Now, I don’t know whether that was before she got crowned or after but my name was called for… Miss Personality. I remember being very shocked and so grateful at the same time. I didn’t expect to win Miss Personality, especially since I was so shy and quiet during the first days. I was told to walk down the ramp which I did so ungracefully of course, because I kept stepping on my dress.

Walking the ramp

I went back into the dressing room to shout profuse thank yous to whoever voted for me and at that point I teared up. I’m still shocked because now I have two Miss Personality titles from this year and 2011. I was told to go back on stage to pose for photos and this is when things weren’t really good. The stage catwalk was small and only fit three people (guess who) whose pictures were being taken and it was just so awkward for me standing behind them, poking my head up here and there like a photobomber. No one tried to accommodate me to fit for the photos so I just went in the dressing room and took off my evening dress and putting on casual clothes. I packed everything and waited for everyone to finish taking photos. This is why I have no photos of myself wearing my crown and sash with my evening dress. 

And the winner is...

1st Princess, Christi!

Blurry selfie with the reigning queen (my phone sucks).

I soon said good-bye to some of the girls who were leaving the same night and it felt really somber as the rest of the girls were visibly sad and disappointed and some left so quickly I didn’t get time to say a proper goodbye. I went back out to the stage to say hello to some of the girls’ families who were just really lovely people as well.  Since the venue was a night club (did I forget to mention that?) tables were being quickly removed to leave the floor bare and people were dancing on the floor. I went out to the dance floor to dance with the hairdresser (who clapped and whooed for me) but it was a bit awkward so I left it just as soon as I started dancing haha. I hugged people, told them I’ll communicate with them on Facebook.  On the dancefloor I saw Lauren (who I participated with in 2011) and we exchanged greetings, she looked lovely! I wish I had taken a picture with her. Since I was to go back to the hostel with Narda and Elzane, I waited for them to finish. We went outside to the parking lot and put our bags in Narda’s car. There were a group of people just standing around chatting including Marisa, Adriaan, Christi, Alexis and her sister and Elzane and I joined them. I got a bit bored after that (and it was a cold night, I was shivering!) and sat on the curb, deciding to be a bit anti-social while I texted my family and my friend about who won. The cold got to me and I told Narda that I was freezing and she said I could wait in her car. That was so welcome! Soon after this we left for the hostel, stopping on the way to get some KFC as we were starving and hadn’t eaten anything.

It was almost 2am when we arrived and I finished packing my bags so I wouldn’t forget anything the next day when I was due to leave (but I forgot a limited edition coin there that is probably worth something smh). I said my goodnights to Elzane and clambered into bed, exhausted. Sleep took me under soon after.

Stay tuned for Sunday’s diary!

‘Til next time

-Bella